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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Sidney Crosby Takes Advantage Of Player's Discount At Penguins Store

PITTSBURGH—By using his 15 percent employee discount, Penguins center and team captain Sidney Crosby has reportedly saved hundreds of dollars on a variety of team-licensed garments, knit caps, and pencil cups for family and friends. "I've had my eye on the Penguins black pleather varsity jacket for quite a while, so I figured that now was the time to benefit from the $11.24 I could save," Crosby said. "I got my sister Taylor a Penguins hoodie, bought my dad a cool visor, and gave my mom a Sidney Crosby 24-karat gold commemorative coin. Oh, and I got Evgeni Malkin a Malkin jersey, because Malkin's his favorite player." Sidney Crosby's teammates honored the 21-year-old Tuesday by wearing the number 87 Sidney Crosby jerseys he had recently bought for them.

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