Silvio Berlusconi Transferred To Steamy All-Female Penitentiary

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Vol 49 Issue 26

Progressive Charter School Doesn’t Have Students

ATLANTA—One year into its founding as the purported “bold next step in education reform,” administrators on Monday sang the praises of Forest Gates Academy, a progressive new charter school that practices an innovative philosophy of not ...

Government Bans Sugary, Fatty Snacks From Schools

Under the government’s new “Smart Snacks in Schools” guidelines, schools will no longer be allowed to stock vending machines or snack bars with treats exceeding 200 calories or those including trans fats.

Magic Skateboard

PBS 3 p.m. EDT/2 p.m. CDT In this spinoff of The Magic School Bus, Mrs. Frizzle and her class hop on the magic skateboard and try to land a 360 varial inside the principal’s small intestine.

Senate Passes Immigration Reform Bill

With 14 Republicans joining Democrats, the Senate passed a sweeping immigration reform bill yesterday, which would provide a 13-year path to citizenship for the nation’s illegal immigrants, though the bill faces strong opposition from House Republic...
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Silvio Berlusconi Transferred To Steamy All-Female Penitentiary

MILAN, ITALY—Hours after being sentenced to seven years in prison for having sex with an underage prostitute and abusing his power, former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was transferred today to the Genoan Women’s Correctional Facility, a steamy, sultry all-female penitentiary on the Italian Riviera. “We believe our prison will be the ideal environment for Mr. Berlusconi to serve his sentence and pay for the crimes he committed while in power,” said the prison’s warden, Isabella Santaro, 18, who added that Berlusconi would have to regularly contend with the prison’s thousands of scantily clad prisoners and guards, sweltering hot temperatures, and daily cell-block group showers. “This is a maximum-security facility, and while he is here, Mr. Berlusconi will spend the vast majority of his day locked down in a cage-like cell with two of our most notorious prisoners, the Sicilian lesbian robbery duo Sophia and Alexxxandra.” Santaro added that Berlusconi will be strongly and repeatedly punished by the prison’s staff at the first sign of “naughtiness.”

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