adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

Singing Dancing Boy Upset

The singing dancing boy.
The singing dancing boy.

LOS ANGELES –After tuckering himself out this week and cancelling his popular musical shows, sources confirmed that the singing dancing boy is very upset, and is refusing to get dressed up and sing and dance again until he’s feeling all better.

Sources confirmed that the singing dancing boy has been cranky since his birthday and continues to act out mainly because the little guy is very, very tired and needs a nap.

“We regret to inform you that the razzle dazzle song-and-dance boy is very tired and will not perform his little shows for you at this time,” representatives for the song-singing shimmy-shake child said in a press release, adding that the pooped-out performer is refusing to put on his dress-up outfits and sing his little songs. “We’ve tried to get him to smile multiple times, but he’s too grumpy right now.”

“We believe that, in the future, he will smile and move his legs around and sing again, but he’s in his room right now and is refusing to come out,” officials added.

According to sources close to the singing dancing boy, the exhausted little guy just needs some time to calm down and drive his shiny car and play on his little phone before he can be convinced to dress up in sparkly clothes and have a fun time again. However, at this point, he reportedly won’t have music time or sign any pictures of himself smiling or singing or dancing.

In the meantime, fans of the singing dancing boy have pledged their support with millions of little messages.

“We love you, singing and dancing boy!” 12-year-old fan @singingdancingboyfan said on Twitter. “Don’t believe the h8ers! Can’t wait 2 c u up on the stage again!”

At press time, the singing dancing boy had announced that he isn’t in a bad mood anymore and is ready to come out of his room soon, sing a fun little song, and dance around with a big smile on his happy boy face.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close