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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Single Diner In Empty Restaurant Asked To Move To Smaller Table

CHICAGO—Citing the upcoming lunch rush, Golden Griddle waitress Kathy Perry interrupted Derek Whamey's meal Monday to ask him—one of four diners in the restaurant—to move to a smaller table. "If nobody's gonna be joining you, hon, we'll just scoot you over to one of those little tables over there," Perry said as Whamey gathered his water, orange juice, and Diet Coke glasses to move them across the room. "You're alone, right? Okay, just let me know when you need the check." Whamey then continued to eat his meal alone.

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