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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Single Nurse Can’t Help But Notice Man Isolated For Ebola Not Wearing A Ring

DALLAS—Inferring that he might be “on the market,” Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital nurse Monica Fitzgerald reportedly couldn’t help noticing Monday that Thomas Eric Duncan, the first person diagnosed with Ebola in the United States, was not wearing a wedding ring. “He’s pretty cute, and unless my eyes deceive me, there doesn’t appear to be a Mrs. Duncan,” said Fitzgerald, 35, adding that she first observed the lack of a wedding band while inserting an intravenous tube into the critically ill man’s arm. “He seems to be the right age for me, and he definitely loves traveling as much as I do. I know it’s not a good idea to get involved with patients, but sometimes you just have to make an exception.” At press time, Fitzgerald was seen checking her hair and makeup before heading back into the isolation ward to assist with another blood transfusion.

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