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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Singles Bar Contains Single Woman

CLEARWATER, FL–J.P. McQuade's, a popular Clearwater-area singles bar, contained a single woman Saturday night. "Talk about a sausage-fest," said Dave Hereford, one of the approximately 170 men who patronized the bar along with the lone female, 29-year-old St. Petersburg office manager Jennifer Doering. "I've never seen so many dudes crowded around just one chick." The single woman received 137 offers to go someplace a little more quiet.

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