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Sir Chris Hoy

Cycling — Great Britain

Number Of Times During A 5-Minute Conversation He Reminds You He Has Been Knighted: 17

Accomplishments: Considered the greatest male cyclist in Olympics history, which is just another way of saying you’ll never hear his name again after you click on the next person

Preferred Wheel Shape: Circle

Legacy: The most successful Olympic male cyclist of all time until next week’s drug test

Background: He is a professional at an activity most children master by age 6

NEXT: Kenenisa Bekele

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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