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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Sitcom Characters Still In Shock After Christmas Episode Proves Existence Of Santa Claus

ORSON, IN—Characters from ABC situational comedy The Middle are reportedly still in complete and utter shock after the conclusion of a recent Christmas episode revealed that Santa Claus does in fact exist. “Jesus, are we going insane?” said the show’s protagonist Frankie Heck, several days after hearing the faint sound of sleigh bells as her 10-year-old son Brick joyously unwrapped a popular new toy that she and her husband were unable to buy in time for Christmas. “This essentially alters my entire perception of reality. There is an immortal being out there who leads a workshop of elves on the North Pole and hand-delivers presents to every child on earth in a single night? One minute we were trying to resolve a relatable, commonplace domestic situation, and the next we learned that time and space can be completely altered—I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind.” Sources confirmed the shaken couple then refused to help their oldest daughter Sue prepare for an upcoming school dance, claiming that “none of this bullshit matters anymore.”

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