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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Sitcom Characters Still In Shock After Christmas Episode Proves Existence Of Santa Claus

ORSON, IN—Characters from ABC situational comedy The Middle are reportedly still in complete and utter shock after the conclusion of a recent Christmas episode revealed that Santa Claus does in fact exist. “Jesus, are we going insane?” said the show’s protagonist Frankie Heck, several days after hearing the faint sound of sleigh bells as her 10-year-old son Brick joyously unwrapped a popular new toy that she and her husband were unable to buy in time for Christmas. “This essentially alters my entire perception of reality. There is an immortal being out there who leads a workshop of elves on the North Pole and hand-delivers presents to every child on earth in a single night? One minute we were trying to resolve a relatable, commonplace domestic situation, and the next we learned that time and space can be completely altered—I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind.” Sources confirmed the shaken couple then refused to help their oldest daughter Sue prepare for an upcoming school dance, claiming that “none of this bullshit matters anymore.”

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