adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them. “It’s definitely not a good feeling to walk out of here today still chasing that sixth Super Bowl victory, especially after all the work we put in this season,” said Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, adding that no team deserved to win a sixth Super Bowl more than the Patriots this year. “I just want to say sorry to our great fans—we wanted to give them their sixth championship, and today we fell short again. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be, but we’ll reevaluate what went wrong and come back stronger.” At press time, Brady had reportedly delivered an emotional speech asking his teammates to remember their feelings of frustration and use them as motivation next season.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close