adBlockCheck

Recent News

Report: You Have Won!

Head To TheOnion.com To Redeem Your Winnings

WINNER’S CIRCLE—Sources are reporting that you, valued Onion reader, have won!
End Of Section
  • More News

Skeleton Of Mayan Nerd Dug From Prehistoric Locker

ALTUN HA, BELIZE—Archaeologists discovered an obsidian locker containing the skeleton of an ancient Mayan nerd, believed to have been forced into his locker circa 800 B.C. "The skeleton is remarkably well-preserved and displays great technological—but not social—sophistication," Dr. Forrest Clayton said. "The orthodontic headgear is still attached to the skull, as are the glasses, which were rimmed with antelope horn." Clayton said he believes that the clothing worn by the ancient nerd, specifically a short-sleeved garment featuring the visage of Mayan sun deity Kinich Ahau, was most likely picked out by the youth's mother.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close