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Skill Difference Between Top, Bottom High School Tennis Seeds Hilarious

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

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Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

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Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

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Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Skill Difference Between Top, Bottom High School Tennis Seeds Hilarious

PALATINE, IL—During a tennis tournament hosted by Fremd High School, spectators, coaches, and fellow competitors agreed Thursday that the massive gulf in skill levels between top-ranked Anthony Pagano and bottom-seeded Tyson Vandervennet was the most amusing thing they had ever seen on a tennis court. “Anthony is like a Greek god with a pretty good cross-court forehand, and the other squirt can’t even get the ball over the net,” said spectator Keith Horvath, stopping to laugh after a Pagano serve knocked the racket out of Vandervennet’s hand. “This is so priceless. Pagano must be at least 6’2” and is clearly going to be playing tennis in college. And then you have this smaller kid who is probably padding out his college applications and definitely does not want to be here. The look of terror on his face is so damn funny.” As of press time, Vandervennet’s mother Lydia was only making the entire thing more crushingly comical by shouting “good try, honey” after a powerful serve bounced off her son’s chest.

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