Skill Difference Between Top, Bottom High School Tennis Seeds Hilarious

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Vol 49 Issue 20

Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party

ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence that they had somehow each forgotten to bring bathing apparel to the fes...

Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

President Obama’s second term is off to a rocky start, with the acting IRS chief stepping down, the Justice Department seizing journalists’ phone records, and Republicans continuing to allege a high-level cover-up of the Benghazi attack last S...

Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First Term

WASHINGTON—Saying that those were definitely some good times, a reflective President Obama told reporters Friday that the current scandals plaguing his administration have made him long for the deeply frustrating, often maddening political climate o...

Nation Supposes It's Outraged By White House Scandals

WASHINGTON—Reacting to the number of major scandals currently plaguing the White House, a somewhat confused American populace told reporters Friday that yeah, sure, they’re totally outraged or whatever about what’s currently going on in ...

Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013
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Skill Difference Between Top, Bottom High School Tennis Seeds Hilarious

PALATINE, IL—During a tennis tournament hosted by Fremd High School, spectators, coaches, and fellow competitors agreed Thursday that the massive gulf in skill levels between top-ranked Anthony Pagano and bottom-seeded Tyson Vandervennet was the most amusing thing they had ever seen on a tennis court. “Anthony is like a Greek god with a pretty good cross-court forehand, and the other squirt can’t even get the ball over the net,” said spectator Keith Horvath, stopping to laugh after a Pagano serve knocked the racket out of Vandervennet’s hand. “This is so priceless. Pagano must be at least 6’2” and is clearly going to be playing tennis in college. And then you have this smaller kid who is probably padding out his college applications and definitely does not want to be here. The look of terror on his face is so damn funny.” As of press time, Vandervennet’s mother Lydia was only making the entire thing more crushingly comical by shouting “good try, honey” after a powerful serve bounced off her son’s chest.

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