adBlockCheck

Entertainment

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
End Of Section
  • More News

Entertainment

'Sliders Ended Two Seasons Too Early, If You Ask Me,' Says Sliders Creator To No One In Particular

'Sliders' creator Robert Weiss explained the above scene while muttering to himself, "looked a lot easier to film than it actually was."
'Sliders' creator Robert Weiss explained the above scene while muttering to himself, "looked a lot easier to film than it actually was."

LOS ANGELES—Sliders, the science-fiction series that followed a group of adventurers who used a space-time wormhole to "slide" between parallel universes, ended its five-year run much too soon and with unresolved questions, show creator Robert Weiss said, unprompted, to literally nobody Tuesday.

Weiss, who spoke out loud for nearly four and a half hours as if there were other people in his general vicinity, noted that the series never had network support, and that seasons six and seven would have brought the Jerry O'Connell vehicle to a proper close.

Sliders was canceled in 2000.

"Two seasons—44 more episodes—that's all we needed," Weiss said as he sat alone in his Los Angeles home, his voice echoing off the living room walls. "So many threads were left hanging: Sure we know Quinn's mom is safe, but how safe? After Rembrandt injected himself with the virus, was he able to kill the Kromaggs?"

Weiss

"Another season also would have given us the chance to explore the fanatical religion of Slidology further," added Weiss, who was more than 600 yards away from the nearest human being. "Much further."

According to Weiss, who even gesticulated as if he were engaging another person in a face-to-face conversation, the producer could have used the extra seasons to return the show to its alternate-history roots. The former showrunner told his bathroom mirror reflection that he had ideas for parallel-reality episodes in which the atomic bomb has never been used, yo-yos are the primary form of entertainment, and the Ku Klux Klan is made up entirely of African-Americans.

"Allegory is a powerful method for examining society," Weiss said with no regard for the standard communication model in which a sender relays a message to a receiver. "If given the chance, me and the whole Sliders creative team would have loved to tackle 9/11. Some shows would have been too afraid to touch it. But not Sliders. We were fearless."

Weiss continued his uninterrupted monologue as he exited his house, got into his car, and drove to a Santa Monica diner and explained to nobody that with 2,000 additional minutes of airtime he could have finally revisited how Logan St. Clair lost touch with the gang after they switched timers in the season-three episode "Slide Like An Egyptian."

"It's a fickle business," said Weiss, an empty booth before him. "I was talking to [series cocreator] Tracy [Tormé] the other day and we already have a finale in mind. Imagine this: Quinn and Wade get married on a planet that can only sustain life for two more days. And the final shot is of our Sliders arriving through the gateway and we discover we were watching the other Sliders throughout the entire show. Awesome, right?"

Weiss then meandered through the Farmers Market, down Fairfax Avenue, and along the beach, his words often devolving into muttered sentence fragments, including, "Second Earth Prime? Could work," "Simple phone call and Jerry [O'Connell] would have come back for season six," and "Canceled? Fuck you, I'm canceled. You're canceled."

Records confirmed that, in the past seven years, Weiss is the only person to speak aloud about Sliders.

Standing at the edge of the Santa Monica Pier, with seagulls the closest living organisms capable of hearing him, the producer discussed a potential five-episode arc in which the Kromaggs successfully convince the Sliders that they never slid away from Earth Prime in the first place. He later refined the idea in a desolate downtown alleyway, telling some leaky water pipes that it might be better if just Quinn remembers sliding and the other don't.

"That could be good for dramatic tension. Hey, where am I? Anyway, Sliders was way ahead of its time," added Weiss, who later returned to his empty house, lay on his bed, and turned off his bedroom light. "The bottom line is that the fans deserve closure."

Entertainment Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close