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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Slight Breeze A Major Factor In Wiffle Ball Game

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN—Wreaking havoc as it slowly blew across the backyard, a slight breeze reportedly played a major factor in the Harelik family’s Wiffle ball game last Sunday. “Normally Uncle Rob is good for a couple big home runs, but nothing was getting over our neighbor’s fence that day with such a gentle summer wind,” said Jordan Harelik, 14, describing the adjustments he and relatives on both teams were forced to make while attempting to bat, throw, and catch the ball through the barely discernible 2 mph east-to-west currents. “The breeze was making Aunt Susan’s pitches hook like crazy, and if she didn’t put some real heat on her throws they died before even making it to the lawn chair we used as a catcher. Tyler was running in circles just trying to catch Mom’s pop fly that kept dancing in the wind, and his drop ended up costing us two runs. It was a real mess out there.” Family members confirmed that gameplay became almost completely impossible in the fourth inning after the ball became slightly dented.

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