adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Slightest Amount Of Physical Contact Apologized For

NEW YORK—During a crowded rush-hour subway ride Monday, an inadvertent brushing of one human being's hand against the forearm of another elicited a swift, contrite apology, subway sources reported.

"Whoops—sorry," said proofreader Heather Wright, 32, immediately following the intrusion into 20-year-old Hunter College student Chris Franek's personal space, which occurred as Wright tried to turn the page of her book with one hand. "Sorry about that."

Responding to Wright's apology, Franek almost inaudibly mumbled, "It's okay."

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close