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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Slow-Working Pitcher Really Getting Inside Head Of Kid In Crowd Who Needs To Go To The Bathroom

DETROIT—Three hours and only six innings into the Tigers-Indians game last Sunday, Detroit starting pitcher Brad Penny's slow work on the mound was effective in getting inside the head of 6-year-old spectator Jacob Windham, who badly needed to use a restroom. "At this point—no outs, multiple lazy throws to first, and his dad refusing for a fourth time to take him to the bathroom until the inning's over—the kid's completely at the mercy of Penny," Tigers radio analyst Jim Price remarked. "You can see him squirming up there, shifting his weight around. He knows his only chance is to keep his head down and avoid looking at that fountain in center field." Following another mound visit by catcher Alex Alvila, Penny finally got to Windham when the kid pissed himself and had to be taken out of the game screaming and crying.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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