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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Slow-Working Pitcher Really Getting Inside Head Of Kid In Crowd Who Needs To Go To The Bathroom

DETROIT—Three hours and only six innings into the Tigers-Indians game last Sunday, Detroit starting pitcher Brad Penny's slow work on the mound was effective in getting inside the head of 6-year-old spectator Jacob Windham, who badly needed to use a restroom. "At this point—no outs, multiple lazy throws to first, and his dad refusing for a fourth time to take him to the bathroom until the inning's over—the kid's completely at the mercy of Penny," Tigers radio analyst Jim Price remarked. "You can see him squirming up there, shifting his weight around. He knows his only chance is to keep his head down and avoid looking at that fountain in center field." Following another mound visit by catcher Alex Alvila, Penny finally got to Windham when the kid pissed himself and had to be taken out of the game screaming and crying.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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