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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Small Town Honors Once-Ostracized Artist

ANSLEY, NE—Nearly 450 of Ansley's 590 residents gathered in the town square Monday morning to dedicate a statue of the late sculptor Robert Kett, who was born in the town in 1946 and generally either ignored or reviled during the 24 years he lived there. "Although no one took any notice of his art while he lived here, Mr. Kett has touched us all through his national fame," said Ansley mayor Paul Hollub, who went to high school with Kett and frequently referred to him as "that Kett faggot." "Though he was the object of our derision for many years, Robert is truly Ansley's favorite son." Examples of Kett's work, on display at the Guggenheim, will be reproduced and sold in postcard form at the ice-cream shop behind which he was once beaten up.

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