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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Smiling Nation Takes Moment To Enjoy Thought Of What RNC Headquarters Like Right Now

WASHINGTON—Smiling as they imagined dozens of flustered, shouting GOP operatives frantically strategizing ways to get a hold on their political party, citizens nationwide took a brief moment Wednesday to stop and really savor the thought of what the Republican National Committee headquarters must look like right now, sources confirmed. “Oh, man, just think of all the panicked meetings that are happening as we speak, and all the party officials who are probably clutching at their aching heads as they field irate phone calls from major donors—it’s so great,” said Tucson, AZ resident Melanie Berkley, just one of hundreds of millions of beaming citizens who reported feeling an intense sense of delight when picturing a conference room full of sleep-deprived campaign consultants yelling over one another about which candidate needs to drop out and when in order for the 162-year-old political party to remain intact. “You know there’s got to be at least one angry executive chewing everyone out about Marco Rubio losing Virginia right now, and probably a whole table of officials shooting each other terrified looks after someone angrily asks ‘Well, what do we do now?’ God, it’s such a wonderful thought. It really is a nice pick-me-up.” Berkley later reported that her reverie had been completely ruined by the thought of how smug everyone at the DNC headquarters must be right now.

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