adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Snickering Peter Gammons Persuades John Kruk To Say Orioles Are The Best Team In Baseball On Air

BRISTOL, CT—Following highlights of a recent Baltimore Orioles game, Baseball Tonight analyst John Kruk was goaded into stating that the Orioles were the best team in the major leagues at the prompting of fellow analyst Peter Gammons. "I mean, they're ahead of the Yankees after a full month... They've got to be pretty darn good, right?" Gammons said just prior to Kruk's statement as Kruk nodded helpfully. "You said yourself, John, that George Sherrill already has 14 saves, and saves are pretty important. Plus, Kevin Millar may be batting .236, but wow, does he have a sweet swing! I certainly can't think of a team that matches up. Can you? You can't, can you? Look right into camera two, right there." Kruk went on to say that Roger Clemens would win the NL Cy Young award and that he didn't think Pat Burrell would ever make another out again as Gammons hid his head in his hands and shook silently.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close