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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Soccer Player In Blue Shirt Happy

SOUTH AMERICA?—Following what must have been a successful on-field achievement Sunday, a professional, semi-professional, or possibly amateur male soccer player wearing a sky-blue shirt appeared happy, sources confirmed. According to reports, fans in attendance adorned with similarly blue-colored clothing, flags, and face paint were also happy, while players wearing red shirts hung their heads because they were sad. Along the sidelines, a group of people in yellow shirts remained neither happy nor sad but mostly seemed indifferent, and as of press time, no players on the field were wearing pink or purple shirts.

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