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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Socially Awkward Player Afraid To Ask If He’s Invited To Walk-Off Celebration

LOS ANGELES—Following his teammate Matt Kemp's walk-off home run Tuesday night, Dodgers second baseman and self-proclaimed "loner" Juan Uribe told reporters he felt uncomfortable joining the celebration without first being asked. "Maybe they don’t want me there," Uribe said, adding that while watching his teammates jump up and down, he noticed that no one asked where he was. "I didn’t have anything to do with the game-winning hit, and I don't know Matt [Kemp] that well, so I guess I don't belong. What kind of team would want to celebrate with a loser like me anyway?" Teammates assured Uribe he should feel more comfortable celebrating with the team as well as calling for pop flies and leaving the batter's box without waiting for the coach to tell him to run first.

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