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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Some Engineer Currently Designing Better ESPN Telestrator Instead Of Surgical Equipment

BRISTOL, CT—Despite the medical field's growing need for better real-time imaging technology, faster-acting broad-spectrum protein-identification lasers, and portable cancer-marker biosensors, at least one guy who's more than qualified for the job is currently slapping together a better telestration array for ESPN, sources said Tuesday. "I think we could probably scan the field with point-focused IR sources and get a rough 3-D image of the play in progress," a man capable of developing equipment that could help surgeons locate difficult-to-find metastatic melanomas said while gazing at a scale model of Chicago's Soldier Field. "This'll be a lifesaver to the guys in the booth." Elsewhere on the ESPN campus, a group of professionals with the analytical and statistical-modeling know-how to make the American manufacturing sector commercially viable again were put to work calculating the Pittsburgh Pirates' chances of winning the 2012 World Series.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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