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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Some Fucking Guy At Warner Bros. Wondering What Shooting Of 12 Means For Ticket Sales

LOS ANGELES—According to sources, some soulless fucking piece of shit at Warner Bros. is wondering how last night's tragic shooting of 12 people at a screening of Dark Knight Rises will affect ticket sales for the blockbuster film. "God, I hope this doesn't ruin our shot at the opening weekend box office record,” said the unimaginable asshole, noting that the cold-blooded murder of a dozen innocent people could deter moviegoers from seeing the film with friends throughout the weekend. "At least the international numbers will still be very strong. We can take comfort in that.” At press time, the oily, subhuman son of a bitch was reassuring coworkers the movie would definitely still finish number one in North American box office receipts for 2012.

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