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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Some Guy At Bar Lived In San Francisco For A Summer And Liked It A Lot

PITTSBURGH—Calling it “a great city” and saying that he could definitely see himself moving back there one day, some guy at local bar Casey’s Draft House lived in San Francisco for a summer and really liked it, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Oh, you talking about San Francisco? I lived there for a summer when I was doing an internship, back in, like, I think it was 2010,” said the guy, who then went on to talk about Golden Gate Park and the “amazing” Mexican food he used to pick up in the Mission. “What’s awesome about San Francisco is that it’s got all these cool little neighborhoods and they’re all within walking distance of each other, so it doesn’t feel like you’re stuck in a big city. And you’re right on the water the whole time. It’s great. I love San Francisco.” At press time, the guy had turned around and was talking to someone else now.

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