adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Some Guy Wearing Packers Uniform Throws For 328 Yards

DETROIT—Much to the surprise and confusion of everyone in attendance at Ford Field last Sunday, an unknown man wearing an official No. 12 Packers uniform complete with pads, a helmet, and cleats appeared to play quarterback for Green Bay, completing 24 of 38 passes for 328 yards and scoring three touchdowns against the Lions. Broadcast footage provided by Fox Sports clearly shows the guy walking onto the field and lining up behind the center in full view of security officials, who made no attempt to stop the him. The man ran the Packers offense with apparent familiarity, instructing players in the huddle, throwing the ball with remarkable strength and precision, and showing good judgment in either throwing the ball away or scrambling past defenders for first downs while leading the Packers to a 48-25 victory. The guy wearing the Packers uniform, who disappeared into the locker room after the game, is the first unknown individual to quarterback the Packers since 1992, when Brett Favre took over from some dude who was injured in a game against the Bengals.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close