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Nauseatingly Precious NYC Couples To Walk Around In Rain

The Onion Weather Center looks at New York City where heavy rain causes obnoxious loving couples to come out and walk around the city like a bunch of assholes who have never seen rain before, and an impending blackout gives the city's working class its...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Some Guy Wearing Packers Uniform Throws For 328 Yards

DETROIT—Much to the surprise and confusion of everyone in attendance at Ford Field last Sunday, an unknown man wearing an official No. 12 Packers uniform complete with pads, a helmet, and cleats appeared to play quarterback for Green Bay, completing 24 of 38 passes for 328 yards and scoring three touchdowns against the Lions. Broadcast footage provided by Fox Sports clearly shows the guy walking onto the field and lining up behind the center in full view of security officials, who made no attempt to stop the him. The man ran the Packers offense with apparent familiarity, instructing players in the huddle, throwing the ball with remarkable strength and precision, and showing good judgment in either throwing the ball away or scrambling past defenders for first downs while leading the Packers to a 48-25 victory. The guy wearing the Packers uniform, who disappeared into the locker room after the game, is the first unknown individual to quarterback the Packers since 1992, when Brett Favre took over from some dude who was injured in a game against the Bengals.

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