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Some Kind Of Smart-Ass Wearing Kevin Kolb Jersey

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Some Kind Of Smart-Ass Wearing Kevin Kolb Jersey

BUFFALO, NY—Speculating that he must think he’s “real goddamn funny,” observers at Overtime Sports Bar & Grill confirmed Monday that a man is walking around wearing a Kevin Kolb jersey like some kind of smart-ass. “Looks like we’ve got a grade-A wise guy on our hands,” said Joe Phillabaum, 32, adding that the “fucking guy actually spent 120 dollars for this one joke.” “A Kevin Kolb jersey. Yeah, we get it, pal. Good one. Why don’t you go attend a game and get him to autograph a football while you’re at it? Cocky fucker.” At press time, Phillabaum had walked over to shake the asshole’s hand and congratulate him on making everyone in the whole bar laugh.

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