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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Some Stupid Thing Making The Rounds Among Your Facebook Friends Today

SEEMS LIKE GODDAMN EVERYWHERE—According to a cursory glance at your Facebook feed, just about every goddamn friend you have is passing around and commenting on some stupid and inescapable new viral web thing. The dumb thing, only marginally dissimilar to a thousand idiotic things before it and which evidently propagates itself by making friends pester additional friends in an unending chain of messages crowing “Hey, have you seen this [stupid thing]? It’s really [stupid.]” first showed up on your timeline around 7 a.m. and shows no sign of waning in popularity as 4 p.m. approaches. Social media experts predict that the stupid thing will remain popular for the next two days, at which time it will be replaced by an even stupider thing.

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