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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Some Stupid Thing Making The Rounds Among Your Facebook Friends Today

SEEMS LIKE GODDAMN EVERYWHERE—According to a cursory glance at your Facebook feed, just about every goddamn friend you have is passing around and commenting on some stupid and inescapable new viral web thing. The dumb thing, only marginally dissimilar to a thousand idiotic things before it and which evidently propagates itself by making friends pester additional friends in an unending chain of messages crowing “Hey, have you seen this [stupid thing]? It’s really [stupid.]” first showed up on your timeline around 7 a.m. and shows no sign of waning in popularity as 4 p.m. approaches. Social media experts predict that the stupid thing will remain popular for the next two days, at which time it will be replaced by an even stupider thing.

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