adBlockCheck

Something Apparently Going On With Mom And Her Best Friend

Top Headlines

Local

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home

SAN DIEGO—Having already pointed out when everyone back home was getting off work and when the local nightly news was starting, area mother Pam Westin spent much of the first day of her family’s week-long California vacation marveling at the time difference compared to where they lived, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work

SMYRNA, DE—Saying he needed to be transported to a tranquil, untroubled state of calmness pronto, local man Pete McCartin, 29, told reporters Thursday that a fresh-brewed mug of purportedly relaxation-promoting tea had better fucking work.

Parents Into New Snack Now

BALLSTON, NY—Noticing they had both a Lightly Salted and a Tomato Basil version of the previously unknown product in their cupboard upon arriving for a visit home this past weekend, Jared Randall, 26, confirmed Wednesday that his parents are into a new snack now.

Mom Declares Garage Her Next Big Project

DES MOINES, IA—Announcing to family members it was getting “just about impossible” to find anything out there, local mother Pam Westin, 53, declared Friday that the garage is her next big project, sources confirmed.

Emergency Crew Rushes To Pull Child Out Of Football Huddle

CHESAPEAKE, VA—Saying they immediately feared the worst when they saw the child in such a treacherous, life-threatening situation, onlookers confirmed that an emergency crew rushed onto a local sports field Wednesday afternoon and moved quickly to pull a young boy out of a football huddle.

Office Manager Unveils New Rule

WARREN, MI—Stipulating that the regulation would take effect immediately, Summit Industries office manager Angela Werner reportedly unveiled a new rule Tuesday in a company-wide email.

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Something Apparently Going On With Mom And Her Best Friend

They’re In A Fight Or Something

Family members say they haven’t seen Mom and Ellen together since they went to that garden show a few weeks back.
Family members say they haven’t seen Mom and Ellen together since they went to that garden show a few weeks back.

SEWICKLEY, PA—Noting the abrupt cessation of nightly phone calls and general references to her longtime confidante, household sources confirmed Wednesday that something is evidently going on between local mom Catherine Bowen, 51, and her best friend Ellen Kearns, 50.

According to family members, Mom and Ellen have always been “super close” and do stuff together every week. Daughter Emily Bowen, 15, told reporters that the two women, who have known each other since college or possibly even high school, probably got into it at some point or another and must not be getting along.

“It definitely seems like something is up with Mom and Ellen,” said the teenager, who confirmed that she did not know what the deal was between the two friends. “They usually get coffee and go for a walk a couple times a week, but they haven’t lately.”

“And Mom has been a little more uptight recently,” added Emily. “I have no idea what’s going on.”

Though sources could not identify the origin or precise nature of a potential falling out, family members suggested it was very likely that something or other happened, because the two friends had not gone shopping for a couple of weeks at the Basket Loft or that one stationery store they both like so much. In addition, reports indicate Mom recently skipped the monthly Bunco Night at Ellen’s house.

Sources also told reporters it was likely that one or possibly both of the women’s feelings might have been hurt.

“Sometimes they can get on each other’s nerves,” said Lauren Bowen, 18, adding that Ellen gripes about tons of stuff and Mom tends to be somewhat bossy toward her friend. “I don’t know what this one’s about, but if they miss Art In The Park this Sunday, I’d say it’s pretty severe.”

“I heard Dad mention Ellen, and Mom just kind of whispered something back and he dropped it,” Lauren continued.

According to those close to the situation, this is not the first time that something has been going on with Mom and Ellen. Family members confirmed that a heated phone conversation overheard while Mom was pacing on the front porch in 2008 resulted in the middle-aged best friends ceasing contact for several weeks. Sources verified that the spat was probably over a timeshare in Tampa or who would bring some kind of casserole to a church thing.

Bowen family members said that Mom calls and vents to her other good friend Georgia Bedo, 51, whenever she and Ellen hit a rough patch.

“She’s been talking to Georgia more now,” said 52-year-old husband Paul Bowen. “That means something is not going well with Ellen. This happens from time to time.”

“I think this could be a bad one,” he continued, explaining that during a typical tiff, his wife will rekindle her relationship with Georgia for anywhere from two days to multiple weeks, depending on the severity of her flap with Ellen. “She was making plans with Georgia to go to the outlets. That’s certainly not a good sign.”

Family sources confirmed that things between the middle-aged pair were “real bad” as of press time, as Bowen had finished reorganizing her closet and was seen leaving for a walk to the frozen yogurt shop, alone.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close