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Something Apparently Going On With Mom And Her Best Friend

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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Bold Intern Giving Parents Tour Of Office

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Something Apparently Going On With Mom And Her Best Friend

They’re In A Fight Or Something

Family members say they haven’t seen Mom and Ellen together since they went to that garden show a few weeks back.
Family members say they haven’t seen Mom and Ellen together since they went to that garden show a few weeks back.

SEWICKLEY, PA—Noting the abrupt cessation of nightly phone calls and general references to her longtime confidante, household sources confirmed Wednesday that something is evidently going on between local mom Catherine Bowen, 51, and her best friend Ellen Kearns, 50.

According to family members, Mom and Ellen have always been “super close” and do stuff together every week. Daughter Emily Bowen, 15, told reporters that the two women, who have known each other since college or possibly even high school, probably got into it at some point or another and must not be getting along.

“It definitely seems like something is up with Mom and Ellen,” said the teenager, who confirmed that she did not know what the deal was between the two friends. “They usually get coffee and go for a walk a couple times a week, but they haven’t lately.”

“And Mom has been a little more uptight recently,” added Emily. “I have no idea what’s going on.”

Though sources could not identify the origin or precise nature of a potential falling out, family members suggested it was very likely that something or other happened, because the two friends had not gone shopping for a couple of weeks at the Basket Loft or that one stationery store they both like so much. In addition, reports indicate Mom recently skipped the monthly Bunco Night at Ellen’s house.

Sources also told reporters it was likely that one or possibly both of the women’s feelings might have been hurt.

“Sometimes they can get on each other’s nerves,” said Lauren Bowen, 18, adding that Ellen gripes about tons of stuff and Mom tends to be somewhat bossy toward her friend. “I don’t know what this one’s about, but if they miss Art In The Park this Sunday, I’d say it’s pretty severe.”

“I heard Dad mention Ellen, and Mom just kind of whispered something back and he dropped it,” Lauren continued.

According to those close to the situation, this is not the first time that something has been going on with Mom and Ellen. Family members confirmed that a heated phone conversation overheard while Mom was pacing on the front porch in 2008 resulted in the middle-aged best friends ceasing contact for several weeks. Sources verified that the spat was probably over a timeshare in Tampa or who would bring some kind of casserole to a church thing.

Bowen family members said that Mom calls and vents to her other good friend Georgia Bedo, 51, whenever she and Ellen hit a rough patch.

“She’s been talking to Georgia more now,” said 52-year-old husband Paul Bowen. “That means something is not going well with Ellen. This happens from time to time.”

“I think this could be a bad one,” he continued, explaining that during a typical tiff, his wife will rekindle her relationship with Georgia for anywhere from two days to multiple weeks, depending on the severity of her flap with Ellen. “She was making plans with Georgia to go to the outlets. That’s certainly not a good sign.”

Family sources confirmed that things between the middle-aged pair were “real bad” as of press time, as Bowen had finished reorganizing her closet and was seen leaving for a walk to the frozen yogurt shop, alone.

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