Something Apparently Going On With Mom And Her Best Friend

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Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Man Had No Idea Cough Was Going To Be Wet One

MUSKEGON, MI—Caught completely off guard by the viscous lump of sputum that was dislodged and sent rocketing upward from his lower respiratory tract, area man Luke Reese confirmed Wednesday he had no idea his impending cough was going to be a wet one.

Area Man A Staunch Single-Gender Voter

JOHNSTOWN, PA—Saying it was the only factor he considered when deciding who to cast his ballot for, local man William Swanson, 44, told reporters Thursday he is strictly a single-gender voter.

Weird Relative At Family Reunion Knows How Everyone Related To Each Other

WELDON SPRING, MO—Saying she possessed a seemingly limitless wealth of information on various cousins, step-siblings, and in-laws, sources at the 2016 Webb family reunion this past weekend confirmed that weird relative Susan Amos, 73, exhibited a strikingly intricate knowledge of how everyone was related to each other.

Woman Worried She Doing Bad Job Enjoying Massage

MALVERN, PA—Silently wondering throughout the hour-long appointment if there was anything she could be doing to enhance the experience, local woman Caitlyn Leigh reportedly worried Wednesday that she was doing a bad job enjoying the full-body massage she was receiving.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home

SAN DIEGO—Having already pointed out when everyone back home was getting off work and when the local nightly news was starting, area mother Pam Westin spent much of the first day of her family’s week-long California vacation marveling at the time difference compared to where they lived, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Something Apparently Going On With Mom And Her Best Friend

They’re In A Fight Or Something

Family members say they haven’t seen Mom and Ellen together since they went to that garden show a few weeks back.
Family members say they haven’t seen Mom and Ellen together since they went to that garden show a few weeks back.

SEWICKLEY, PA—Noting the abrupt cessation of nightly phone calls and general references to her longtime confidante, household sources confirmed Wednesday that something is evidently going on between local mom Catherine Bowen, 51, and her best friend Ellen Kearns, 50.

According to family members, Mom and Ellen have always been “super close” and do stuff together every week. Daughter Emily Bowen, 15, told reporters that the two women, who have known each other since college or possibly even high school, probably got into it at some point or another and must not be getting along.

“It definitely seems like something is up with Mom and Ellen,” said the teenager, who confirmed that she did not know what the deal was between the two friends. “They usually get coffee and go for a walk a couple times a week, but they haven’t lately.”

“And Mom has been a little more uptight recently,” added Emily. “I have no idea what’s going on.”

Though sources could not identify the origin or precise nature of a potential falling out, family members suggested it was very likely that something or other happened, because the two friends had not gone shopping for a couple of weeks at the Basket Loft or that one stationery store they both like so much. In addition, reports indicate Mom recently skipped the monthly Bunco Night at Ellen’s house.

Sources also told reporters it was likely that one or possibly both of the women’s feelings might have been hurt.

“Sometimes they can get on each other’s nerves,” said Lauren Bowen, 18, adding that Ellen gripes about tons of stuff and Mom tends to be somewhat bossy toward her friend. “I don’t know what this one’s about, but if they miss Art In The Park this Sunday, I’d say it’s pretty severe.”

“I heard Dad mention Ellen, and Mom just kind of whispered something back and he dropped it,” Lauren continued.

According to those close to the situation, this is not the first time that something has been going on with Mom and Ellen. Family members confirmed that a heated phone conversation overheard while Mom was pacing on the front porch in 2008 resulted in the middle-aged best friends ceasing contact for several weeks. Sources verified that the spat was probably over a timeshare in Tampa or who would bring some kind of casserole to a church thing.

Bowen family members said that Mom calls and vents to her other good friend Georgia Bedo, 51, whenever she and Ellen hit a rough patch.

“She’s been talking to Georgia more now,” said 52-year-old husband Paul Bowen. “That means something is not going well with Ellen. This happens from time to time.”

“I think this could be a bad one,” he continued, explaining that during a typical tiff, his wife will rekindle her relationship with Georgia for anywhere from two days to multiple weeks, depending on the severity of her flap with Ellen. “She was making plans with Georgia to go to the outlets. That’s certainly not a good sign.”

Family sources confirmed that things between the middle-aged pair were “real bad” as of press time, as Bowen had finished reorganizing her closet and was seen leaving for a walk to the frozen yogurt shop, alone.


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