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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Something Called 'The Colorado Crush' Wins

DENVER— The Colorado Crush, a Denver-based professional or semi-professional sports team, defeated the Columbus Destroyers 50-47 in an apparently close game of some description last Monday, sources report. "It was great to win our season opener," team captain and center Kyle Moore-Brown told reporters via phone, giving no visual cue as to which sport he played. "Anyone who follows the league knows that Columbus is tough, and just scoring against them is an accomplishment in itself. It's going to be a great season." Although it could not be confirmed at press time, it is assumed that the Destroyers and the Crush do in fact play the same sport.

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