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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Something Weird About Local Anchorman's Eyes

JOPLIN, MO—According to KODE-TV News At Five viewer JoBeth Anson, there's something weird about anchorman Mort Bonds' eyes. "I can't quite put my finger on it," Anson said. "It's like the eyes are looking in slightly different directions, like one is glass. Or maybe it's that one's a little higher than the other. Whatever it is, something's off." Anson expressed confidence that she will figure it out soon.

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