adBlockCheck

Something Weird Going On In That Montessori School, Neighbor Reports

Top Headlines

Recent News

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Something Weird Going On In That Montessori School, Neighbor Reports

ALLEGHENY CITY, PA–According to retired steelworker Martin Kramarczyk, 67, something weird is definitely going on inside that Montessori school across the street from his house.

The suspicion-arousing Montessori school.

"I've been keeping an eye on that place for a while now, and I'm telling you, something just ain't right about it," said Kramarczyk, peering at the Allegheny Montessori Learning Center through his living-room window. "I wouldn't be surprised if one of these days the FBI came down and busted it for some sort of kinky, perverted stuff."

Though Kramarczyk has no hard evidence of improprieties at the school, he said he has "some pretty strong suspicions" about its internal activities.

"Everything about it seems a little off. I mean, they got kids playing out on the playground at all times of the day. And scraping away on those weird Mexican gourds. What kind of school is that?" Kramarczyk asked. "And the teachers have always got the kids doing these weird little puppet shows. That's gotta tell you something right there."

One of almost 4,000 such schools in the U.S., the Allegheny Montessori Learning Center was founded in 1978 and employs educational methods pioneered in 1912 by Italian physician and educator Maria Montessori. The school's 47 students, all of whom are under 10, are encouraged to learn at their own pace through activities designed to engage their intellect.

"We provide a stimulating and inspiring classroom environment that empowers children to develop their personalities and become strong, independent-minded individuals," AMLC instructor Ellen Driscoll said. "The Montessori method rejects the traditional teacher-student relationship, in which the teacher is in control and the student passively accepts knowledge. Instead, the teacher serves as a guide who enhances a child's learning ability by appealing to their creativity and recognizing their individual talents. The child learns by doing things herself."

"Today, some of the older students are learning how to make rock candy," Driscoll continued. "Then we're going to learn a traditional folk song from the French province of Picardy!"

"Look, I was taught by the nuns and, sure, they could go a little overboard with the switch sometimes, but it was a good, thorough education, with none of this weirdo stuff," Kramarczyk said. "I had to drop out of the ninth grade to support the family, but I knew the three Rs up and down. All these kids know how to do is play autoharps and grow bean plants. That ain't education to me. I don't know what it is, but it ain't education."

Kramarczyk said that in the past few months, he has observed numerous strange goings-on at the school, including children fanning out across the neighborhood, armed only with hand-drawn maps and compasses; teachers pretending to be students and vice-versa; and energetic sing-alongs in observance of Learn Three New Things Day.

Most disturbing of all, Kramarczyk said, was a May occurrence he calls "The Egg Incident."

"A truck pulled up to the school one afternoon and a couple men got out," Kramarczyk recalled. "They were carrying in boxes. A day later, I could see a bunch of egg incubators on the windowsills of one of the classrooms. Then, a couple weeks later, as I was walking the dog near the school, I heard peeping noises. Why'd those kids need to hatch eggs? Aren't there farms that do that sort of thing? It just don't add up."

Kramarczyk said he has had direct contact with school personnel just once, and the meeting only confirmed his suspicion.

"A few months back, I was trimming the hedges, and a ball came flying over their fence and into my front yard," Kramarczyk said. "I looked down at it and noticed it was a multi-colored, knitted-fabric kind of ball I've only seen at the Montessori school. That type of ball doesn't even bounce. That's another queer thing. Montessori balls never bounce."

Continued Kramarczyk: "Next thing you know, standing in front of me is a Montessori teacher with one of the kids, who's probably about seven. So I toss the kid back his strange little ball, and the teacher says to him, 'What do you say to the man, Jeffrey?' The kid looks up at me and says, 'Merci beaucoup.' Then the teacher says, 'Or...' and the kid says, 'Danke schoen.' Then the teacher says, 'Or...' again, and the kid says, 'Domo arigato.' Then they walk off."

AMLC director Roberta King insisted that Kramarczyk misunderstands the school's curricula and teaching methods.

"We are aware of Mr. Kramarczyk's fears about our school, and the various theories he has circulated at civic-association meetings," King said. "I'd like to take this opportunity to say that, although the Montessori method is of Italian origin, we are not affiliated with the Mafia in any way. Nor is the school a sweatshop that forces the children to produce black-market finger paintings. And not one toddler who is enrolled in our day-care program has ever been boiled in a broth."

To help Kramarczyk better understand Montessori education, King offered to take him on a personal guided tour of the school. Kramarczyk rejected the offer.

"Oh, no, forget it," Kramarczyk said. "There's no telling what would happen to me in that place. They'd probably strap me to their big abacus and pelt me with Montessori balls. Or cover me with plaster of Paris and leave me there to harden into a life-size statue for use in some kind of educational display about retired steelworkers. No way, folks. I wasn't born yesterday."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close