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After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Son Attempts To Cultivate Parents' Interest In Better Movies

DOVER, DE—Marc Morehouse, 24, made another vain attempt to improve his parents' taste in movies Monday by taking them to see Sideways. "I know you guys thought Meet The Fockers sounded really funny, but maybe we should all give something a little different a try," Morehouse said to his parents Kirk and Doris as he bought three tickets at an area cineplex. "Dad, you like golf, right? And Mom drinks wine, so this movie is right up your alley. It'll be fun." After the show, Morehouse could not convince his parents to have dinner at a non-chain restaurant.

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