adBlockCheck

Entertainment

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
End Of Section
  • More News

Son Discovers Dad's Welcome Back, Kotter Spec Script While Cleaning Out Attic

WEST LAFAYETTE, IN—While cleaning out his parents' attic Sunday, Mark Norton, 24, stumbled upon a Welcome Back, Kotter spec script written by his father, which has apparently lay dormant in a box labeled "keepsakes" for nearly 30 years. "I never knew Dad to write anything, but there's his full name, address, and telephone number right on the cover sheet," said Norton, adding that the script had all the cast members taking a trip to Hawaii, a place his father has always wanted to visit. "But why didn't he do the gag with Mr. Kotter telling his wife a joke about a distant uncle? That show was canceled before I was born, but even I know that." According to Norton, he read 15 pages, then carefully placed the script back into the box and walked over to the attic window where† he watched his father, dressed in cutoff jeans and a baseball cap, hedge the lawn for 20 minutes.
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings