adBlockCheck

Song Crafted In The Deepest Pit Of Hell Wins Big At Grammys

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Song Crafted In The Deepest Pit Of Hell Wins Big At Grammys

LOS ANGELES—A song forged by the Ruler of Darkness himself in the blackest bowels of the accursed underworld proved to be the big winner at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards Sunday, taking home an impressive six of the music industry’s top honors, including Song of the Year and Best Pop Solo Performance. “This was a huge night for [the fallen angel Lucifer],” said E! Online reporter Alyssa Toomey, praising the three-minute single formed from the Wicked One’s own acidic bile and the tortured shrieks of the eternally damned, which was spewed forth from the ninth circle of Hell last year and spent 10 weeks at number one on the Billboard Hot 100. “It was a great show all around, but at the end of the evening it was all about [the Great Deceiver, Father of Lies]. Make no mistake, [the King of the Bottomless Pit] has still got it.” The infernal track of pure evil capped its amazing night with a victory in the show’s most coveted category, Record of the Year, beating out five other songs also produced by Satan.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close