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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Song Crafted In The Deepest Pit Of Hell Wins Big At Grammys

LOS ANGELES—A song forged by the Ruler of Darkness himself in the blackest bowels of the accursed underworld proved to be the big winner at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards Sunday, taking home an impressive six of the music industry’s top honors, including Song of the Year and Best Pop Solo Performance. “This was a huge night for [the fallen angel Lucifer],” said E! Online reporter Alyssa Toomey, praising the three-minute single formed from the Wicked One’s own acidic bile and the tortured shrieks of the eternally damned, which was spewed forth from the ninth circle of Hell last year and spent 10 weeks at number one on the Billboard Hot 100. “It was a great show all around, but at the end of the evening it was all about [the Great Deceiver, Father of Lies]. Make no mistake, [the King of the Bottomless Pit] has still got it.” The infernal track of pure evil capped its amazing night with a victory in the show’s most coveted category, Record of the Year, beating out five other songs also produced by Satan.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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