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Vol 24 Issue 16

Drunk Of The Week

Alcohol is EVIL! Congratulations to The Onion’sDRUNK of the WEEKMITCH MELUMMitch earned his place among Madison’s most honored drunks by head-butting an innocent Onion Operative.

Cultural Idiocy Quiz

DIRECTIONS: Name the magazine in which these features appear:1. “Picks & Pans”2. “Humor In Uniform”3.

Saturday Morning Live Is A Comedic Masterpiece!

There are ulterior motives hidden behind many of the articles you read in today’s media. For example, if Time magazine runs a glowing review of a movie being released on Warner Bros., the revenue generated by the article’s influence goes to Time-Warner, In...

Professor To Publish Book

Professor Theodore L. Chaptman, a well-known professor at the university, announced that he will be publishing a book.The book, on the same subject that he teaches in his popular class at the university, will reportedly have several hundred pages.

Friction Must Be Eliminated!

If there is a Satan, fellow travellers on this hurtling ball of cosmic mud, it is friction. If there is one insidious force robbing our daily toil of its intended efficiency, it is friction.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Originality

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Sonic Booms

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

MDID

(Scat)

First, MDID is a one-man band that’s been recording since 1985. Second, MDID stands for My Dad Is Dead, but self-named band leader Mark Edwards abbreviated the name after repeatedly being asked what it meant. Third, Edwards sounds a lot like Joy Division’s Ian Curtis. One would assume the floodgates for musical pretension would be wide open. That may be true, but Edwards is adept at blending low-fi punk hooks with challenging guitar and monotone vocals. It’s dirty, it’s pretty, it’s an intense listening experience, and thankfully the lyrics aren’t as embittered as one might expect. —JG

Buy This Used Compact Disc:

A Dutch East India Sampler

Various Artists

(Dutch East India Trading)

As CDs get more expensive and major record labels clamp down on the sale of used CDs, some indies have smartly decided to retaliate on the consumer’s behalf. Dischord Records sells its discs mail order at half most albums’ list price. Cruz Records also charges a reduced list and offers advertising support for stores that carry used CDs. Now the well-known indie distributor Dutch East India has given greedy majors another kick in the pants. Buy This Used Compact Disc, a generous compilation featuring 22 artists and 73 minutes of music, sells for a ludicrously paltry $5.98—$5.98! Stores who carry the disc will be given extras to sell in used bins, and why the hell not? The artists—which include Sebadoh, Unrest and Uncle Tupelo, as well as numerous good bands on the label—will get the exposure they deserve. And for once, consumers don’t get screwed. —ST

In Search of Manny

Luscious Jackson

(Grand Royal/Capitol)

The idea of a Jewish, feminist, stoner, hip-hop act might sound like a recipe for disaster, but In Search of Manny is as shit-hot as shit-hot gets. Released on The Beastie Boys’ Grand Royal label, this album ranges from acoustic folk crooning to stylin’ slick sex rhymes, and joins the Beasties and 3rd Bass in offsetting the damage done by Marky Mark, Vanilla Ice, and numerous other white rap acts. The psychedelic dance track “Let Yourself Get Down” samples Schooly D’s “Saturday Night,” one of the dopest beats in history. Luscious Jackson is both yummy and nummy. —TH

Chairman of the Bored

Various Artists

(Grass)

If you haven’t yet bought yourself a present in honor of Frank Sinatra’s 78th birthday, consider this compilation, a backhanded compliment from 41 different bands. Ranging from eclectic (Kramer, Girls Against Boys) to obscure (Pool, Nod) to cult (Flaming Lips, Ed Hall), all the artists combine respect for Sinatra’s showmanship with contempt for the man himself. The results are great fun, especially Screeching Weasel’s blast through “Chicago” and Lotion’s surprisingly faithful take on “Fly Me To the Moon.” Important ironic trivia fact: Not even one of the songs on this two disc, two hour set was written by Ol’ Blue Eyes himself. —JK

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