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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Sonny Bono Foundation Prevents At-Risk Youths From Skiing Into Trees

SOUTH LAKE TAHOE, CA—As the organization marks its 15th anniversary Friday, representatives for the Sonny Bono Foundation told reporters that they continue to devote their every effort to stopping at-risk teen skiers from crashing into trees. “As we speak, thousands of children are hurtling down the nation’s ski slopes, and every single one of them is in grave danger of hitting a tree at any second,” said SBF President Mark Rodgers, whose organization since the untimely 1998 death of singer and politician Sonny Bono has worked to put an end to the countless number of young American skiers who, at this very moment, are hurtling at high speeds in the direction of numerous pine trees. “The grim reality is that every 30 seconds a child gets off a chairlift, and if we don’t act now, it’s only a matter of time before yet another one of them takes a turn too fast, loses control, and slams into a tree. These kids have nobody to look out for them up there, and it’s our responsibility to honor Mr. Bono’s legacy by keeping them out of harm’s way.” Though Rodgers claimed that his foundation has had considerable success protecting young skiers, he admitted that the group’s work has been made considerably more difficult due to the competing mission of the Michael Kennedy Winter Athletics Institute, which teaches children how to ski downhill at dangerous speeds while playing football.

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