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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Sound Strategy Booed

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Completely ignoring the benefits of proper time management, the establishment of good field position, and patience, Jaguars fans heckled Jack Del Rio's sensible decision to punt on fourth and three Sunday, repeatedly shouting obscenities and even calling into question the head coach's sexual orientation. "Just fucking go for it, you pussies," Alex Lewis, 28, said during the second quarter of the Jaguars-Rams game. "Goddamn dumbass, we're on their fucking 45. Come on, idiots. Are we trying to win a football game here or what?" During the entirety of the game, jeering fans were also disgusted by the lack of randomly thrown challenge flags, onside kicks, and players haphazardly lateraling the football.

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