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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Source Of Jealousy Not Even That Successful

TULSA, OK—Despite living a life that by most standards is only slightly more successful than average, local account manager Jeremy Thomas is nevertheless the primary source of coworker Christopher Palgon’s intense jealousy, sources reported Monday. “I see him every day pulling up in his shiny Toyota Avalon, and I’m, like, wow, I’d kill for a ride like that,” said Palgon, adding that he couldn’t help but envy the fact that his colleague has an office with a view of the sidewalk three stories below instead of a cubicle. “He’s a nice enough guy, but it’s hard not to get a little resentful when he starts casually talking about this five-day cruise to the Bahamas he’s going to take with his wife for their 20-year anniversary. Like it’s no big deal.” Palgon also told reporters that he had visited Thomas’ home once and could never imagine the luxury of having a separate room just for guests.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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