adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Sources: Any Number Of Players Could Be Traded To Nearly Any Combination Of Teams

NEW YORK—With the NFL Draft approaching, pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training, and the NBA trade deadline drawing nearer, multiple sources are reporting that a near-limitless number of deals could be struck as soon as this week. "All 32 NFL teams, 30 MLB teams, and 30 NBA teams are in the market for at least something at this point, and in each case, every single other team in the league could theoretically fulfill that need in some manner, leading to every player being a possible player on every team," an unnamed source said Monday, adding that a third team entering the mix of any given trade would more than double the possible trade agreements that could be reached. "And that’s before you even factor in the number of NHL players who could clear waivers and still be swapped after last week’s deadline." As of press time, rampant media speculation had disrupted the chemistry of every single team in professional sports and forced all negotiations to break down.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close