Sources: C'mon, Just Give Us The Goddamn Pulitzer Already

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Vol 47 Issue 25

Media Watchdog Spokesman Sought On Embezzlement Charges

OMAHA, NE—According to FBI sources, the nonprofit media watchdog group Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes, or AFAJP, was ordered to cease operations Friday after its spokesman and president, Stephen Forbeck, was indicted on 24 coun...
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Sources: C'mon, Just Give Us The Goddamn Pulitzer Already

NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Friday that it’s time to cut the shit and hand over the goddamn Pulitzer Prize already. According to visibly frustrated officials with extensive knowledge of the situation, we’ve been beating around the bush long enough and we’re done playing around, so let’s go, hand over the fucking thing. Now. You know what, sources added, fine, don’t give us the fucking award, keep it, we don’t care, we never wanted your stupid piece-of-shit prize anyway. Christ, sources concluded, this has all been very humiliating. Fuck.

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