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Sources: C'mon, Just Give Us The Goddamn Pulitzer Already

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Sources: C'mon, Just Give Us The Goddamn Pulitzer Already

NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Friday that it’s time to cut the shit and hand over the goddamn Pulitzer Prize already. According to visibly frustrated officials with extensive knowledge of the situation, we’ve been beating around the bush long enough and we’re done playing around, so let’s go, hand over the fucking thing. Now. You know what, sources added, fine, don’t give us the fucking award, keep it, we don’t care, we never wanted your stupid piece-of-shit prize anyway. Christ, sources concluded, this has all been very humiliating. Fuck.

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