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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Sources: Greg Oden Looks Incredible In Video From 2007

ATLANTA—Displaying the virtually unlimited raw potential of a once-in-a-generation franchise center, multiple league sources confirmed Saturday that former Portland Trail Blazers player Greg Oden has looked absolutely incredible in a video from 2007. “He’s just such an amazing physical specimen—the guy could destroy every center in the league,” NBA On TNT analyst Steve Kerr said of the video that surfaced five years ago, showcasing Oden’s tremendous natural talents as a center for Ohio State University. “He totally dominates in the paint and around the rim. Guys with 7-foot, 250-pound frames who have that level of quickness and agility don’t come around too often. How do you stop that?” Kerr went on to say that while Oklahoma City Thunder small forward Kevin Durant demonstrates a pretty high ceiling in a recently unearthed clip from 2006, Oden appears to “ultimately be the guy you can build a team around for the next decade.”

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