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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Sources: Petraeus Knew About Affair For More Than A Year

WASHINGTON—High-level sources in Washington confirmed today that CIA director David Petraeus was fully aware of his extramarital affair with his biographer Paula Broadwell almost a year before the story broke last week. “All evidence suggests Petraeus quite probably had extensive and detailed knowledge about his protracted sexual relationship with Paula Broadwell as early as last fall, shortly after he began having sex with her,” said former Army spokesman Steve Boylan, adding that Petraeus was likely well informed of his own adultery throughout the course of his entire relationship with Broadwell, and may indeed have had full knowledge of various intimate details of said relationship. “There is strong reason to believe that Petraeus came across explicit e-mails sent between Mrs. Broadwell and himself not long after he wrote them, and that his awareness of the romance was more or less confirmed somewhere around the time he began having a yearlong affair with her.” Additional sources concluded it was very likely Petraeus knew he was completely fucked about 10 seconds after resigning.

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