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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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South Dakota Considering Maybe Putting Mount Rushmore On State Quarter

PIERRE, SD— South Dakota is thinking about maybe putting Mount Rushmore on its upcoming state coin, sources reported Monday. "I forget who came up with the idea, but Mount Rushmore is definitely in the running," said State Coin Selection Committee chair James Kolter. "We're also considering many other worthy subjects, from the historic birthplace of Cheryl Ladd to our oft-used highway system. It's definitely going to be a tough call." The committee has until late 2005 to decide.

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