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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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South Dakota Considering Maybe Putting Mount Rushmore On State Quarter

PIERRE, SD— South Dakota is thinking about maybe putting Mount Rushmore on its upcoming state coin, sources reported Monday. "I forget who came up with the idea, but Mount Rushmore is definitely in the running," said State Coin Selection Committee chair James Kolter. "We're also considering many other worthy subjects, from the historic birthplace of Cheryl Ladd to our oft-used highway system. It's definitely going to be a tough call." The committee has until late 2005 to decide.

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