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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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South Korean President Eats Full, Balanced Meal In Show Of Strength Against North

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA—Demonstrating his country’s own might after its northern rival launched a ballistic missile over Japan, South Korean President Moon Jae-in reportedly ate a full, balanced meal on Wednesday in a show of strength against North Korea. “At approximately 7 p.m., the president sat down and enjoyed a healthy and filling traditional Korean dinner,” said one observer of the East Asian country, adding that the meal appeared to have contained a protein, a side of fresh vegetables, a grain, some cheese, and, in a particularly aggressive gesture, a variety of condiments for added flavor. “Moon has enjoyed snacks and light lunches before, but this tasty, yet nutritious, meal seems like a signal that South Korea refuses to back down from the provocations of the North, while the red bean paste cookies eaten for dessert seem like an even further escalation.” Sources also indicated that, in another show of force, President Moon turned on the lights in his residence later that evening.

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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

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