adBlockCheck

Sports

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
End Of Section
  • More News

Space Jam Actor Larry Bird Spotted At Game 2 Of NBA Finals

BOSTON—Actor Larry Bird, best known for his portrayal of Larry Bird in the 1996 film Space Jam, Larry Bird in the 1994 basketball drama Blue Chips, and Larry Bird in the 1996 comedy Celtic Pride, attended Game 2 of the NBA Finals Sunday night. "We were in the team huddle, and I look up, and there's Hollywood legend Larry Bird—the actor who played golf with basketball player Michael Jordan in Space Jam before Jordan got sucked into the hole that dropped him into Looneyland," said guard Ray Allen, adding that his teammates then began imitating Bird's delivery of the his signature "Where'd he go?" line from the film. "Of course, he got a huge standing ovation from the crowd when they announced his name. He was great in that movie." Bird had no comment when asked if he had any new projects in the works, only telling reporters that he was at the game to see if the actor from He Got Game was any good.

More from this section

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close