Spaced-Out Flower Child Groovin’ On A Doobie Wave

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Vol 50 Issue 02

President Curbing NSA Spying

In an effort to address citizens’ privacy and civil liberty concerns, President Obama announced today that intelligence agencies would now be required to obtain a court’s permission to access metadata from telephones.

Michelle Obama Turns 50

First Lady Michelle Obama turns 50 years old today and will celebrate with a birthday party at the White House tomorrow night, which has been described on official invitations as an evening of “Snacks & Sips & Dancing & Dessert.” W...

Scientist: Cats View Owners As Large Cats

In his new book Cat Sense, British biologist and animal behavior expert John Bradshaw argues that domestic cats view their owners as large, non-hostile cats, such as a mother cat or an older, larger relative.

The Onion’s Oscar Picks

Following this morning’s announcement of the 86th Academy Awards nominations, many pundits are calling this year’s Oscar race one of the most wide open in recent memory.
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  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Entertainment

Spaced-Out Flower Child Groovin’ On A Doobie Wave

BRATTLEBORO, VT—In an effort to experience a happening freak-out in an outta sight way, a far-out chick is, sources confirmed, currently groovin’ on a doobie wave, feeling the vibes, and tripping out on a psychedelic reefer wave. “Sure, I’ll have some,” said the mama bear flower girl, accepting a long, mellow toke from a radical doob that, brother, will reportedly take this little moon child one step closer to the cosmic ashram on the day-glo astral plane. “Thanks.” At press time, time had lost all meaning, man, ya dig, and sources were reporting that this spaced-out chick was most definitely groovin’ and cruisin’ on a righteous trip to a land without bummers.

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