Spatial Skills Abandon Area Man During Search For Correct Tupperware Lid

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Vol 45 Issue 39

Cat Congress Mired In Sunbeam

WASHINGTON—"We've come up against an unforeseen circumstance, but we'll resume deliberation and voting as quickly as is reasonably possible," said majority leader and Budget Committee chaircat Sen. Creamsicle (D-ND), stretching out to his entire length and repeatedly kneading the chamber carpet.
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Spatial Skills Abandon Area Man During Search For Correct Tupperware Lid

WATERVILLE, ME—The ability to judge different sizes and shapes was inexplicably lost on Waterville resident John Wyatt on Tuesday as he struggled to find the correct lid for a plastic container of chicken salad. According to witnesses, the seemingly rational man cycled through 17 separate lids in his desperate search to find a corresponding match, rotating each incorrect cover multiple times in hopes that it would somehow fit. "Why won't this work?" asked Wyatt, who is reportedly an intelligent and astute individual most of the time. "Just close already, goddammit." At press time, Wyatt was attempting to secure a square lid onto a round container with several sheets of plastic wrap.

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