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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Special Five-Part Series "Dumb In America" Begins This Week

"Dumb In America" host John Harris is on a search to answer a question as complex as America itself: What is Dumbness? Is it simply being born stupid? Or is it an adopted identity, learned through association while attending sporting events or shopping at Abercrombie & Fitch? Dumb people are an important part of our society, bring their dumb ideas to everything from fashion industry to politics. Today, complete idiots hold jobs as waiters, yoga instructors, talk-radio personalities, teachers, and doctors. In fact, today more than half of all Americans are dumb and the latest census indicates their numbers are increasing daily.

In Episode One, Harris takes viewers on a cross-country road trip, visiting major hubs of stupidity along the way. Whether he is attending a Dave Matthews Band concert in California, shooting at rusty kitchen appliances on a farm in Missouri, watching a stay-at-home mom posting comments on Yahoo! News articles in Oklahoma, or drinking Red Bull and vodka with Wall Street day traders, Harris doesn't shy away from asking probing questions of our nation's dumbest. This special television event is a must-see for every American.

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