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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Special Ops Veteran Slips Back Into Family Undetected

ORLANDO, FL—After spending six years overseas as a covert operations specialist, Joe Jacobs slipped silently back into his family unit Tuesday, reappearing inside his home's dining room as if out of thin air. "This truck exploded across the street, and when we looked back, Dad was sitting next to me, already halfway through his chicken-fried steak," said son Michael, adding that the pyrotechnic diversionary tactic was "classic Dad." "Other than the 6-inch scar across his face, it's like he was never gone." Upon his return, Jacobs immediately demanded a concise summary of the last 10 arguments between Michael and his sister Lauren, as well as a quick debriefing re: the whereabouts of that raccoon that used to live in the shed.

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