Spelling Bee Champion Returns To School A Hero, He Imagines

Top Headlines

Recent News

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Origins Of Popular Slang Terms

As the internet helps push new words and expressions into common usage, many may wonder where our most ubiquitous idioms come from. Here are the origins of some popular slang terms and phrases

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Spelling Bee Champion Returns To School A Hero, He Imagines

BAYSIDE HILLS, NY—Scripps National Spelling Bee champion Arvind Mahankali arrived at his middle school in Bayside Hills, NY a hero lauded by all his classmates, the 13-year-old imagined today. “Man, Arvind, the way you took down the word ‘knaidel’ was unbelievable! You are awesome,” said popular and athletic classmate Jason Franklin in Mahankali’s imagination before lifting the spelling champion over his shoulder while surrounded by a consortium of applauding teachers, students, and cheerleaders. “We always knew you were super smart, but to win Scripps? That’s amazing, dude! We are great friends now.” At press time, Mahankali was telling himself that, yes, this is how things would be from now on.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close